new project

I'm working on a comic book with some friends. It's going to be an anthology with reoccurring themes. Here's my story thus far:

A priest is in the car driving to California while talking on the phone to a man named, Marty who is confessing his sins and confiding his troubles. There will be very little written dialogue so most of the speech bubbles will contain images of Marty's misdeeds.

As Marty's story escalates from fighting with his girlfriend, to doing drugs, to losing his job, the priest will cross statelines into California and will get pulled over by the police for not using a hands-free device. The priest will get a ticket and have to drive to the nearest cell phone store to purchase a bluetooth headset- all while remaining on the phone with Marty.

Because of the cellphone detour the priest is running late and makes up time by going atleast 20 above the speed limit on highway 101. When he enters the bay area (specifically SF) he gets caught by the police again for speeding on the Golden Gate bridge. By this time Marty's life story has become so thoroughly depressing that he is now at that very moment contemplating suicide. The priest cannot hang up the phone for fear of the worst, and because of this the policeman ask him to step out of the car.

Outside the car, the priest sees a man walking alone on the Golden Gate bridge. He knows that must be Marty. He tries to tell the policeman of the situation but the police doesn't listen and tells him to turn around and face the car. The priest resists, the policeman pushes his head against the trunk of the police car triggering the off button on the bluetooth device. Marty and the priest are disconnected. Marty, feeling more alone than ever climbs the bridge railing. The priest sees this and begins to shout, the police officer looks in Marty's direction just in time to see him jump. As the policeman calls for back up the priest runs to the railing and watches Marty's body hit the water.

The priest has failed. Before getting back into his car, he slowly takes off his headset and throws it into the bay. He won't be needing it anymore.


Ta-dah! Kind of a downer. Now that I've read it again I'm wondering if I'll be able to fit this all in 10 pages or less.

All suggestions, comments, critiques are welcome :)